I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
