If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
