someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
