My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
