I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
