he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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