You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
