Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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