I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
