Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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