I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
