We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
