I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
