***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
