Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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