Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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