Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
