Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i think i just lost a toe
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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