Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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