you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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