Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
