reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
