She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
