she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
