Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
