got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
