we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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