On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
