please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
