No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
