so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
