eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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