I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
