That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
