If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im on a boat
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