I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
