A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
