Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am one with the molecules
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
