I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
