theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
