I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
