im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
