and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
