My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
