My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
