It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's blow job season.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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