she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
