you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
