I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
