I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
