We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
