don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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