Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
