If that was your dad, he is hot
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
