I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
