I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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