I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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