**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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