I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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