seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He has the fingertips of a God
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