Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
