She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
