Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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