so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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