Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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