This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
