I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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