nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
