I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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