i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
