I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
