My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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